I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
