Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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