Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
