The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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