Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
