Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
