SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize