trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
