I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Boobs are out for the taking
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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