respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
