There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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