is your mom at the bar?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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