i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
