Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
