Just fell off a train. Bad.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wish there were birth control emojis
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
