That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I faked an abortion last night.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
