you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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