I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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