You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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