I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize