At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
