if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
