2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
