Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
