Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
