I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
