I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
