yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
