I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Small penises have feelings too.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
