I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
