I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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