so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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