Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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