Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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