my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
