you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
