when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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