Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
