Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
