Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
