If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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