I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
