the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
