FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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