Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
