Your mouth is God's brothel.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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