Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Randomize
