Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
