He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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