Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
