He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
