He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
