Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he told me I talked like a deaf person
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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