Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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