hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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