UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I love you. Go after that dick
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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