SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
