I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wish you could order shots online.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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