Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
