I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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