The maid of honor just puked.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
