new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
