i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Please don't give away my fajitas
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize