It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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