Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
