I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Shame - the story of my life.
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