Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
