The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
