Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I will be naked everywhere
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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