Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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