You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
