my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
