Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
