Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize