just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
