I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Is Oprah even human
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
