so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize