Will you blow on my dice?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
