she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The uberlube is also flammable
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You've changed since you got that strap on
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
