I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
