So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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