Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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