I'm lost and stupid without you.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
