this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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