I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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