what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
