I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
No subtext here. People are naked.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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