Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
