Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
