you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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