god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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