So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
