Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You smell like stripper and shame
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
