My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize