i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
