Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
