I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
im six kinds of drunk right now
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
