I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
