No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
