So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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