We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
