why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I made him laugh his dick is mine
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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