if i can run in heels then i can drive
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
