Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
