I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
