we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
