Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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